Gets Me Heated

For the purposes of full disclosure, this is not new. I've been hosting it on my Comcast web space for a long time, but no one knows about that, so it might as well not exist. It's a spoof on the U.S. Department of Homeland Security's ready.gov site , which was created in the wake of 9/11 to inform people about what to do if confronted with various disaster scenarios. That site has obviously (and thankfully) been redesigned, but all the pictures you see below are REAL and were taken from the official government website. It's hard to believe, I know, but it's true. I can't take credit for the genius that cascades from each line to the next, that goes to Political Humor , but I can take credit for helping to preserve it for posterity. If you have set yourself on fire, do not run. If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud. If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder. If you are spr

I had a delicious sushi dinner from Teryaki House in South Boston last night. The spicy tuna...it's spicy, but everything was great. You know what I used to enjoy the meal? My fingers. Why? Because I think using chopsticks is one of the most illogical cultural norms we have and I refuse to promote such irrationality by joining in. Also, me attempting to use chopsticks is an absolute strugglefest, but that's not the point here. As the only person at the table not participating, I'm clearly in the minority on this. Sushi may be the meal where chopsticks make the most sense, granted, but my thumb and index finger are a damn good team. Although the extra length does make taking food off of friends' plates easier, a value which cannot be overstated. Using chopsticks to eat fried rice or lo mein on the other hand, come on. This isn't Karate Kid and you're not Mr. Myagi . Sure, they can be used to shovel the food into your mouth; but as it turns out a food shovel alre

What color do you think the phone in these pictures is? If you were me, you would have thought it was silver. You would have bought it based on that premise. And when you opened the box you would have learned that, lo and behold, you're the proud male owner of another pink phone. Now I'm not exactly sure what gets me heated about this; the fact that the pictures are rather ambiguous, that I didn't look closely enough to notice...or nothing? At least last time I had an excuse that the Pink RAZR was free.

It's one of my favorite phrases, and I never knew where it came from until today. The reporter says to Marshawn Lynch, "Define your attitude." Too bad he sounds like a complete idiot when he says it...and when he says all the things after it. Believe it or not, this cunning orator went to college for THREE YEARS. I swear .

I've always thought that Oldsmobile was the worst brand name in the auto industry (think that has anything to do with why they aren't around anymore?). When Mr. Olds founded the company in 1897 he decided it would be a good idea to name the cars after himself. And why wouldn't he, everyone was doing it. Compared to Ford, his was groundbreaking! One could even argue that the etymology of Batmobile can be traced back to this stroke of genius. In 1897 there were no stereotypes about senior drivers or the kinds of cars they pushed, so the name was relatively safe. Times changed though, and by the time I was old enough to appreciate cars, all I could envision when I heard Oldsmobile was something that a 4'6" 85-year-old woman named Myrtle should be driving. I don't know about you, but that doesn't exactly make me want to climb behind the wheel. The real question though, what would Mr. Crashes have done?