Gets Me Heated

I assume some of you have seen the article about how to "hack" your Chipotle order to get the most food for the least money, and those of you who haven't can read it here . While I appreciate the ingenuity of finding every possible way to exploit the system, I have a couple of serious issues with the strategy: Who the hell wants two types of rice? One is already too many. The intense shame of being one of "those people" that holds up the burrito line, which should be an arrestable offence. It's noble to have the courage to embarrass oneself in the name of frugality, but I have an even better solution. If you want more food, hack your chipotle order like an adult: order two.

(If I wrote for The Onion . Which I don't. Yet. Part 2.) On a beautiful Saturday morning, after an hour-long wait for dinner the night before, Michael Spruce and Allie Hollister dutifully got in line at local brunch spot Mama's on Washington Square at 10:37 AM. The hostess estimated it would be about a 90-minute wait, which thrilled the couple. "Over an hour?! We haven't had a chance to wait that long since our 3-hour epic at Decent Wings in June. I can still remember the sunburns we got," said Allie. "The food was fantastic...I think. It's hard to remember because I was so hungry when it finally came that I burned my mouth on the first bite. But they had to be better than other wings, right? Why else would there be such a long wait?" When asked about the long lines at Decent Wings its owner, Frank Allen, was quoted as saying, "Are you f***ing kidding me? I wouldn't wait 4 hours for the fountain of youth, much less wings. Have ever t