Showing posts from February, 2009


Shouldn't Barack's bailout plan be referred to as Mutual of O-ba-ma ? Am I right or am I right?

Pardon Me

Why I love Pardon The Interruption, and, more importantly, Tony Kornheiser: (Video clip removed due to unavailability.) Edit (09/06/09): Unfortunately this clip was removed, and despite my best efforts, I was unable to find it anywhere else. I did manage to find the transcript though. Not quite the same, but better than nothing. "When I was young, all I ever wanted to be was a sportswriter. I had a cousin who wanted to be an investigative reporter. So to get ahead of people who had the same dreams, we began shooting up drugs. "We were young and stupid. Didn't know what we were doing. Strictly amateur hour. I can't believe it worked. I didn't even know what we were taking! "But I got sportswriter jobs at Newsday, The New York Times and the Washington Post. I had my best year in 1997. I was a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize. I still didn't know what drugs I was using. I thought maybe it was actually Tic-Tacs, because people let me get so close

You know what they say about guys with big hands...

...that some of them can palm a basketball with just their index finger and thumb. What? What were you thinking?

Chuck Norris

I'm sure most people are familiar with the Chuck Norris facts, but for those of you who still don't use T9, here are some of my favorites (in no particular order): If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you. There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk, and kill. Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched, and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever. Credit to .

ET Phoned Home

Yesterday, the Celtics traded Sam Cassell (and cash) to the Sacramento kings for a second-round draft pick in 2015 (that's 7 drafts from now, but who's counting?). In case you didn't know, Sam Cassell is an alien: Or Gollum, I'm not sure which: Fortunately the Kings are expected to waive Cassell, so thanks to a tasty little NBA trade loophole, plan on seeing ET back in Celtics green before too long.

Drive Slow, Homie

If you're gonna be driving at or below the speed limit, you should have plenty of time to follow all the other traffic laws; like using turn signals. It drives me crazy to be inching along behind a faded green 1991 Toyota Corolla covered in bumper stickers about saving the planet only to have the driver bang an unexpected left. For some reason speeding has been vilified while the use of turn signals comes as an afterthought. I would argue they are equally as dangerous, and in fact that not signaling is worse. But far be it from me to argue for stricter enforcement of laws, so just let me speed! My fast is getting antsy.

He Be Jammin'

Here's the scene: it's Wednesday night and I'm watching college basketball, Syracuse vs. UConn. The game ends and ESPN starts to show highlights before Duke/UNC starts. Surprisingly I see UVM's very own Patrick Gym early on in the broadcast. Maybe it's just a shoutout to Tom Brennan. Then this happens: I hope everyone learns something: no matter where you play or how bad you are, do not try to take a charge on a fast break unless you too want to be immortalized in a YouTube video getting jammed on.

Clark Rocafella

If what I heard today is true, that's how he would actually think his name was spelled. Instead, as people have been doing for years, Clark Rockefeller is going to attempt to avoid prison time with an insanity plea. I understand that it must be clinically confirmed and there is a whole process for formulating a diagnosis, but why is insanity an excuse? "I'm so sorry officer, my fast is out of control. Clearly that means you can't give me a ticket or take me to jail, but I'd be happy to attend a 'How to go slow and stay in control' class...once...and probably sleep for most of the time." Doesn't work that way, does it? That scenario only happens with the really serious crimes. And more to the point, why does insanity keep you out of jail; aren't all men created equal? Being insane should not provide a privileged criminal life with free range to bust a cap if you forget to fill your prescription. Apparently kidnapping your daughter due to insanit