Local Couple Successfully Waits Two Hours for Brunch, Eats Eggs

(If I wrote for The Onion. Which I don't. Yet. Part 2.)

On a beautiful Saturday morning, after an hour-long wait for dinner the night before, Michael Spruce and Allie Hollister dutifully got in line at local brunch spot Mama's on Washington Square at 10:37 AM. The hostess estimated it would be about a 90-minute wait, which thrilled the couple. "Over an hour?! We haven't had a chance to wait that long since our 3-hour epic at Decent Wings in June. I can still remember the sunburns we got," said Allie. "The food was fantastic...I think. It's hard to remember because I was so hungry when it finally came that I burned my mouth on the first bite. But they had to be better than other wings, right? Why else would there be such a long wait?"

When asked about the long lines at Decent Wings its owner, Frank Allen, was quoted as saying, "Are you f***ing kidding me? I wouldn't wait 4 hours for the fountain of youth, much less wings. Have ever tried a chicken nugget from McDonald's? That shit's delicious. And I've never had to wait more than 5 minutes."

We followed up with the couple near the end of hour 2 of their wait at Mama's. "This is when it really gets good," Allie said. "You don't know whether you want to stab the hostess with a cocktail fork for underestimating the time or hug her for giving us this experience we'll remember forever! Isn't that right, Mikey?" Michael had no comment.


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